


Tears in Heaven

by DWayneright



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, Fix-It, Heaven, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nature, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:35:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27853498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DWayneright/pseuds/DWayneright
Summary: Can you cry in Heaven? Cas and Dean are about to find out as they move through the truth. Hope you enjoy!
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Tears in Heaven

Tears in Heaven

After drawing his last breath on Earth and closing his conversation with Bobby in regards to what the rest of his existence might look like in Heaven, he found himself standing before open highway. Only this time, not only was there no time, but there was not one of the past earthly limits that would have weighed heavily upon his shoulders and mind.

Dean took the opportunity to adjust, driving for what felt possibly like hours with nothing but the music blaring and the wind blowing in his hair. The outside temperature was perfect. No oppressive heat and no biting chill. As he continued to drive, with no destination in mind, he began to reflect on the events in his life that had lead him to where he was today, as well as the people he had met and who had left an impact upon him in life.

After being surrounded by death for so long and having cut pieces of himself off in order to protect his mind and his heart from the pain of emotional attachment for so long, Dean found himself with a perpetual knot in his throat. Here in this new Heaven,he was going to have nothing but time to connect and reconnect with these people on levels that he had cut himself off from through out his life. This direct contrast made him realize just how unprepared he felt for actually having transparent conversations with people without having “hunting” at the center of every one of these interactions.

How ironic: the very thing that brought him into contact with Hunters, Prophets, and even Angels was no longer a blip on anyone’s radar. It was a lot to unpack for someone like Dean, who was driven for results as a dedicated hunter in life. He is going to have to face every one of these people at some point, including himself. 

So that is where Dean began, With himself. He allowed himself the luxury of time and freedom to delve and dwell in emotions, thoughts, and feelings that he had buried deep within himself in life. 

After coming to as much of a centered view as one can through the biased reflection that a metaphorical mirror, Dean was able to glean readiness to connect with the first person that his mind focused on after he reached solid ground on himself. 

And so, Dean met with Jo Harvelle. Dean smiled with her, remembering their last intimate moment together in life and he even made her laugh like he could back then. He thanked her again for the amazingly noble sacrifice she and her mother made in saving Sam and Dean from the hellhounds. With a drink in hand( a habit that Dean still carried with him even into Heaven) sitting at a bar that would remain uncrowded, Jo turned to Dean and said, “I like this soft side of you. I wish I was the one who brings it out of you.” Dean smiled and tried to reflexively deflect as he had always done, “Who says ya can’t?”

Jo didn’t even need to punch a hole in that one. For all of his efforts to keep things unseen, Dean was actually quite see-through to anyone that knew him. Jo said, simply and gently, “You need to go talk to him. It’s been long enough.”

Dean just stared open-mouthed for a second but he did recover and say, “ I don’t know what to say.” No need for the pretense of ignorance, it would just dig a deep hole that would look sad and cowardly.

After a period of staring down at his hands playing with his beer bottle, he looked back up to find Jo gone, but Kevin Tran was in her place. He seemed to have prior knowledge of the conversation up to this point when he said, “One of the Angels looks upon you with such favor. I can read the light around you.. Shouldn’t be shocked it’d be you for him Dean. Just don’t screw it up by being you, yeah? ”

Dean’s face flushed and he got up and left the bar saying, ”I’m goin for a walk. Later, Kev.” It’s not like he wouldn’t see him any time soon or that there was anywhere he had to be any longer.

Dean continued to walk in the forest near the cabin with the bar inside. He realized that he couldn’t feel heat from the Sun bearing down upon him or wet air making him sticky in his clothes that would have been inappropriately heavy for such a hike back on Earth.. He could get used to this, he thought to himself, as he sat down on a huge rock overlooking a green expanse of grass in a clearing in the forest. 

Through the tall green grass, the red of Charlie’s hair contrasted sharply against it, so Dean was able to see her coming from a ways away. When she got closer, he called out to her saying, “Well, hey there sis. What’s shakin?”

She smiled wryly at him and took a seat next to him and he naturally shifted the angle he was sitting to face her. They talked about things that had occurred after her death, and the differences in apocalypse Charlie compared to the one he had always known. She smiled wistfully while listening to him tell her about her alternate self and her relationship with Kara. After it became apparent she was lost in thought, Dean brought her back to the conversation by gently lifting her chin to look at him. “Not everyone ends up with someone in the end. You know there isn’t anything wrong with that right?”

“Of course I know that Dean. But you’re one to talk. What are you going to say when you see him?”

Dean looked down, blushing lightly again. Apparently it wasn’t something he could withhold here in Heaven. People he cared about caught big events in his life and were watching some of the time. Someone saying the words “I love you.” to Dean marked a first in his experience. In life, he had certainly emphasized shallow flings and quantity over deep commitment and quality. Though in his later years, he hadn’t done much of anything at all with anyone. Sometimes, you have to be a master of loving yourself, and Dean has been at least capable of being content. Up until he wasn’t.

Mimicking Dean’s hand movement, she brought his chin up to meet her gaze. “It’ll be ok. It always is here, one way or the other.” Being the empathetic friend that she is, Charlie didn’t press or make him feel like he was on the spot. She stood, wished him good luck, and then walked back towards the tall grass rather than back in the direction of the road. And just like that, she was gone and all that was left from where she’d been standing last was ethereal light.

Dean was growing restless, he stood up and walked with determination with a deep focus and need on his Baby. When he made it back to the road, the impala was there waiting for him in the “parking lot” at the cabin-bar in the woods. Dean took off and for a while he just drove. He got lost in the vastness of what could potentially be an endless journey if he chose it to be, free of the obstacles and shackles on earth. He didn’t have to worry about credit cards or gas pumps or even the need to pull over and take a shit in a foreign restroom. Heaven was only the positive side to any experience. 

Just as the cassette he was listening to needed a flip (even in Heaven?)Dean was startled to find the seats next to him and behind him simultaneously occupied by his father in the passenger and his mother in the back. He had only seen them together once before and even that had been short lived. And here they were in what was once their car here for the sole purpose of talking to their son. They welcomed him to Heaven. They supported the decisions in his life. They reinforced how proud they are of him. They dared to broach the hard stuff. But they have lots of roads left to tread.

Dean was overwhelmed by so much so fast, given his life was a long time of so much less. Dean swallowed dryly before speaking. “Look, Dad..no offense, but this is really not easy to stomach. I mean-you were always so hard on us growin’ up.” John looked out his window and frowned. “I’m sorry, son. I know what I put you through was-well, you deserved better.”  
They were silent, and Dean felt his mother’s hand rubbing his arm comfortingly. John continued, “I’ve heard alot about this-angel of yours.”

Dean cleared his throat, “Yeah, well, he ain’t mine.”

Mary spoke up from the back, “But he can be, sweetheart.”

Dean felt heat hit his face again and he started staring out his window while driving.. There is never really a good age to discuss one’s love life with one’s parents.

Turning to his father, Dean said, “Yeah, I just don’t see how you are like a completely different person here. All our lives, you told us that love and ‘the life’ don’t mix.”

John said, “After enough time here, you start to let things that made you angry or made you cry go. You’ll see.”

Dean’s jaw tightened. John continued,”And I hurt and I was angry all the time. It’s a lousy excuse. But if there’s one lesson I should’ve taught you, it’s that if you do find that person that loves you completely-you fight like hell to hold onto them.”

A tear fell down Dean’s cheek and he closed his eyes to wash it away and to resist letting more form and fall. When he opened them and he could see clearly again, they were gone. He wondered, off-hand, if he would learn to master the “teleporting” thing.

It made him think though: If Heaven was vast and limitless, was there any point to driving through all of it? And if it was all connected and people could pop in and out at any point and at any time, could it really be that-

Dean got out of the car at a stretch of road overlooking the calm sea waters of a beach that was completely unoccupied, save for the impala. He marched to the water’s edge and looked straight up at a clear blue sky. “Cas!”  
It was the first he had spoken directly to him since the last time they’d seen each other, where Dean listened to the words Cas had so contentedly, quietly held onto for an undetermined length of time.

He closed his eyes and listened only to the faint sound of the seagulls’ call against the waves gently beating at the sand. This was nice. Maybe he could just lay here, forever, with no pains of hunger and no threat of thunder. Dean didn’t hate the rain on Earth. Was there really none in Heaven?

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean turned around so fast, Cas was a little taken aback, however, he remained poised as always.

So many thoughts of what he’d say if given the chance had circled through his head and they all came rushing to the door at once. He was left speechless as a result. He slowly walked to where Castiel was standing ten yards away, only stopping when he was within arms’ reach. The wind was blowing Cas’ hair and his coat was billowing open and his tie was blowing to the side. 

“I never thought I’d see you again.” Dean said, finally.

“I never thought I’d see you again either.” Cas said in response.

Dean frowned,”How long?”

Cas tilted his head to the side in a very Cas-like way. “How long what Dean?”

“How long have you-felt this way and not-” Dean couldn't finish. These words never came easy to him because he never felt safe intimating them with anyone else.

“Does it matter?” Cas said, no point or malice.

“I want to know.” Dean said.

“It’s hard for me to pinpoint the exact date and time but-”

“Cas.” Dean said simply.

“Well, I have known that I loved you since I escaped Heaven’s control. It was my love for you that broke me free of them.” Cas said softly.

Dean stared at him. Before he could say anything in response, Cas said, “I think it’s possible that I loved you sooner. But I didn’t know what it was I was feeling before then.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Dean asked.

“How could I? You were always so far ahead of me I couldn’t catch up.” Cas said smiling.

Dean smirked. Cas continued, “And I always thought you would end up with one of those women you bedded.” 

Dean’s face flushed and he reached out and took Cas’ hands in his. “Do you see me talking to anyone else? This is my Heaven you’re crashin’. See any girls here?” Dean’s thumbs stroked Cas’ hands Dean looked at Dean in shock. Cas looked at him in surprise. What was he saying?

He leaned his forehead until it touched Cas’. They closed their eyes, and Dean just listened to the sound of the calls of seagulls and the tide. He felt Cas take his hands out of Dean’s and felt them at his waist. Dean leaned forward and the two shared their first kiss on the beach. They heard the sound of seagulls calling and the ocean moving toward their feet. When they opened their eyes, Dean said, “You were always the one Cas. Always.”

Cas was shocked by all of this. Now that he had him in his arms, he didn’t know what to do. “How come you didn’t say anything?”

Dean laughed to try to ease the tension, “Guess I don’t really know what I’m doin’. Never been with another man before, and I’ve never tried with a woman.”

Dean reached up and put his hands at Cas’ neck, thumbs along Cas’ jawline. The first tear fell from one of Dean’s eyes. “I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

“I want you Dean. So much.” Cas said in reply.

Dean moved to lower Cas onto his back in the sand. He took Cas’ coat off his shoulders and his tie from around his neck on the way.

“There’s time now, Cas. I’m sorry I never said anything.’” Dean said.

“Dean, you have nothing to apologize for. We will figure it out together. No regrets.” Cas said wiping Dean’s cheeks.

As they continued to kiss and explore each other, dark clouds formed overhead. They didn’t stop kissing. Touching. Tasting. Dean lay his head on Cas’ chest. It wouldn’t be so bad, laying here forever. Consumed by a starving need and drenched in the pouring rain.


End file.
